This is a collection of some of the dumbest shit I have done in the past year or so.
1. Deadlifting Naked- One week I got the bar snagged on my shorts as I was bringing it up. Since I was training in my basement I decided to go for broke and just deadlift wearing nothing. Why the fuck I thought this was an okay idea is beyond me but there is no way to bring a bar up with no pants or undies on and not flop it over the the junk. This didn't hurt, not like when I bumped the boys doing straight legged deadlifts the other week, but it just totally fucked up my workout.
2. Pretending I got in a car accident- My job as a utility linemen means I do not have to deal with actual customers all that often but sometimes I do have to. Occasionally we will have customers that have repeat problems. Each time they call into our office it counts against our department so often times we will give the customer our own work cell phone number to call us direct if the problem comes back.
Well I had a particular customer that always bitched and complained about a problem that I never seen every time I was out there. After trying to change everything I could hoping it would fix the problem I simply got frustrated. When my phone rang one morning and I recognized the customers number I did not answer. They left me a voicemail that I did not reply to. After a few attempts at calling me the customer finally called into the office. The job was eventually transferred back to me meaning I had to go talk to the customer.
I really didn't want to talk to the customer. I especially didn't now that I blew the customer off so many times. So I decided that when I pulled my work truck up to their house that when I got out of the truck I limped up to their door. When the customer answered I explained how I had been in a bad car accident and had just recently gotten out of the hospital.
My story had all sorts of holes in it but since the customer was not a doctor they bought it. Maybe in the back of their mind they doubted me, especially since I almost burst out laughing several times, but overall they bought it.
3. Putting an amp in with my thumbs on the fuses. This just happened yesterday in fact. Amps have fuses on either end of them. There is only 90 volts going through them so its not a big deal. However for some dumbass reason when putting an amp in I used my thumbs to press it in place while my thumbs were over the fuses. Normally this would just result in a nice shock and I'd be on my way. Unfortunately for me I was about 5 feet from a power supply so I got a massive current draw. It was so strong I couldn't pull my hands away. I was up on a ladder getting the ever loving fuck shocked out of myself. I only got free because the current draw was so strong the power supply cyced which relieved power.
4. My driving on a certain day. I am not the worlds best driver by any means but I can generally get from point A to B in mostly one piece. One day though I just could not drive worth a damn. I was in my work truck and leaving our warehouse making a right hand turn out of the parking lot. For some reason I didn't see a car coming towards me so I hesitated making the right turn then decided fuck it and gunned it. This caused me to turn too hard and I went off the right side of the road hitting a ditch.
I then cut the wheel to the left hard which caused my truck to bounce up in the air and I slid forward on my seat and got wedged between the steering wheel and seat. I couldn't see what was happening but apparently I had cut all the way to the left side of the road. By time I got free and back in the seat I was about 5 feet from hitting a building and quickly yanked the wheel and cut back right. After my heart stopped racing I looked back and noticed the car that had been coming towards me had come to a dead stop afraid to pull forward.
My nextel went off about one second later. Another tech was in the parking lot and had seen what had happened. "Jason are you okay? What the fuck were you doing?" I had to pull over to stop laughing before I could tell him "No I am not drunk, just an idiot."
5. Later that day driving again. Yes this is later in the same day. Two of my brothers were contracting for my company and working near my work area. One of them had a bad rash because he has bad personal hygiene. I had talked to him on the phone and he asked if I had calamine lotion which I did in fact have (you get poison ivy rashes a lot doing my job). So I told him I would bring it over to him.
They were working in a court so I pulled up but the court was too narrow to completely turn around so I cut as much as I could then put my van in reverse. At this point my bad hygiene bro came walking towards my truck shaking his head. I was not sure what the hell he was on about but I started backing up then I heard a loud boom. I jumped out of my truck to see that I had run over someones mail box. Not just a mail box but one that the customer had custom built with stones and masonry all over it. Apparently the mail box looked like shit because the neighbor came out and thanked me, but all the same I had to tell my boss (basically because the neighbor seen me, I considered just driving off).
Just not a good driving day.
6. Trying to piss in a bottle while driving. One day I was stuck in traffic and had to piss really bad. Without much choice other than just pissing myself I decided to grab an empty vitamin water bottle and tried to piss in it. This proved to be a bit difficult due to the way the truck sits so I had to "chub up" first to get over that pants hump and into the bottle. It seemed to do the trick as I was able to get it there. Unfortunately for me I also got a boner and got the bottle stuck on the end of my thing. Nothing is more odd then being stuck in traffic with a bottle stuck to the end of your penis. Eventually I was able to piss and the problem subsided but for awhile I felt like a goddamn retard.
7. The night I moved into my current place I decided to get drunk with JC all night long. We must of drank till 4 in the morning. I didn't even have blinds up yet but we were rocking out Landser and pounding the beers. I eventually passed out on my sofa in front of my main window in my underwear. I also happened to have an appointment the next day to have my cable tv, internet, and phone hooked up.
So around 8 am I am awoken to a knock on the window above where I was laying by the cable guy. There I am hung over as fuck in some boxers. I got up and stumbled to the door and tried hiding the morning wood. He didn't say much to me but all the same I felt kind of embarrassed.
8. Take a fucking guess.
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