So I was sitting around Sunday morning and contemplating what to do. I had my light bench press and assistance work training to do later in the evening but for several hours I was "freed up'. Of course it is hard to think on an empty stomach so I decided to roll up off the sofa (Sundays are my lazy day after all) and kind of half waddle over to the pantry.
As I stood in the doorway of the pantry looking for something to eat I noticed a couple boxes of bathroom floors tiles I had bought several months back. When I first moved in this townhouse (does that sound better than apartment? The word apartment makes me feel even more trashy than my toothless neighbors. Let me know.) one of the first things I noticed was the appalling state of the bathroom floor tiles. They were broken, uneven, dirty, and looked to be a couple of decades old. It seems despite the fact that my landlords own a hardware store they are allergic to making any sort of effort to improve the condition of the townhouses.
Since I knew that this "townhouse" would only be a temporary place to live while I saved money for an underground futuristic bunker to live in I ruled out tearing up the old tiles and putting ceramic ones down. Too much time and effort for something that I do not own, and quite frankly if the owners don't give a shit why should I. Ruling out any major repair efforts I settled upon buying some boxes of self-adhesive floor tiles. They actually don't look that bad (vastly better than what was already there), are cheap, and fairly easy to put down.
So I sat there staring at the boxes of tiles that I had bought months ago but had still not put down. With nothing to do for hours I agreed to myself that I would undertake this home improvement project finally. I am turning over a new leaf in my life and working diligently to complete many projects that I started with well intentions but never got around to finishing them. There was one little problem though, it was Sunday and that means it was my lazy day.
As I sat there working out this conflict in my head I had an epiphany. My brother (for anyone who doesn't know when I say brother I am referring to fellow brothers in the VSC) JC has his first Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) bout coming up this Sunday. Suddenly the light bulb went off in my head.
I am already kind of like JC's Mr. Miyagi. I am not short, oriental, or a former WW2 fighter pilot, but other than that I am his Mr. Miyagi. So as I realized he needed to hone in on his fight training I thought of the perfect way for him to do this. It was time for "tile the floor" training.
"Hey JC, why don't you come over and we can hang out for a bit!" I cheerfully said into my cell phone.
"Sure thing bro!" He playfully responded. Then with in 15 minutes or so he made the trek two doors down to my townhouse (and don't you forget it). As I opened the door I invited him inside. I saw the look on his face as he spied a couple boxes of floor tiles sitting on the steps leading up to my bathroom. "What's going on Jason? Putting some new tiles in the bathroom?"
So I replied "Funny you should ask that JC." Immediately the look as his face changed as it dawned on him that he had just walked into a trap. There was no way out of the situation now. As I led him up the stairs I asked him, "Hey bro, do you want any coffee as I pick me up?"
He said back, "Yeah sure."
I said, "Good, you are going to need it, since you will pretty much be doing all the work."
Now my bathroom is not the biggest bathroom out there so we had to cram inside it and start working away. Unfortunately for him this was a higher carb day so I had taken in quite a bit of fiber and began the next phase of his training, "take ass blasts". He was severely disturbed by this turn of events and I began to worry for my friend. After all, he has a fight in a weeks time and if he cannot deal with a small distraction like a putrid smell then what will happen in the cage with all the people yelling around him. Realizing I had to up the ante I asked him to step outside so I could close the door and take a look at the tile and see if it was lined up properly.
Like a good friend he exited the bathroom and I closed the door. Now I was able to implement the next phase of the training program by firing off a missle. After about five minutes I opened the door to a very upset looking JC.
He finally barked, "That's it bro, I am not working under these conditions."
To which I answered him, "Working? You are in fight training."
"This is bullshit, you are always roping me into doing shit for you by pretending it is making me a better person."
"That is nonsense JC, this is making you a better person." As we stood there going back and forth I saw in his face that his defenses were crumbling. He would be finishing the job and he would be finishing it while having to deal with a defiled bathroom that has no fan....
Tonight his training will take the next step as we do "paint the walls."
(This is a mostly true account of our home improvement project yesterday).
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