When you live in a neighborhood where you can count the people who actually work on one hand, someone is bound to be evicted before two long. Surely people have been evicted prior to this in the past 8 months we have lived here but this would be the closest person to us. Since she has parted ways I decided to do a mini-profile of her in her memory.
To protect her identity I will refer to her as Definitely-Not Megan. She rented a house directly behind mine. Definitely-Not Megan was rather unremarkable aside from the fact that she was a bit large. Lets just say the term Amazon would describe her quite well. I am 6'3 and around 300 lbs. on a good day and her mass rivaled mine. She wasn't dumpy fat more so just one of those tall and thick women who look like she may have made a great fullback in high school.
I am not sure how long she rented the house behind me. Honestly I never even noticed her until an incident around the beginning of May. It was an unusually hot late spring day when I was sitting on my sofa watching some television. Though I had my t.v. up rather loud, I soon heard the sound of voices screaming at each drowning it out. Since I was bored and rather nosey I decided to peek out my front door. My toothless neighbor (the man) was involved in some dispute with Definitely-Not Megan. Apparently his son (the same one who had the look of utter disappointment when he dad in a drunken stupor wrecked his bicycle and got laid out in the middle of the road) had dragged around Definitely-Not Megan's daughter by the throat.
I guess when you grow up in a house full of freaks that constantly fight over who drank the last of the mad dog 20/20 or who smoked the last maverick cigarette, you tend to develop odd behavior. Toothless was drinking a Natural Light Beer (or as they call em- water) and yelling back and forth with Definitely-Not Megan. She said something about him being drunk all day to which he replied "I work and goddamn right when I got a day off I like to enjoy a beer". That was only half right. He liked to enjoy beer, several of them, all throughout the day, but he hasn't had a a job since they moved in with his wife's mother.
As the argument continued I noticed that tooth-less's equally toothless wife was standing in the door way listening but letting her husband duke it out verbally with Definitely-Not Megan. Though I have heard her get in yelling matches with other neighbors, apparently she wanted nothing from the Amazon. Can't say I blame her, as although she is fat, the Amazon was bigger than her husband.
Insults flew back and forth until Toothless said something to the effect of "Well you're a fucking drug addict. Go do some fucking drugs you loser!" This coming from the same man who smokes pot everyday but I am sure he considers that just a herb not a drug right. Her reply though was classic.
"I don't do drugs I get drug tested every week!!!" The way she said it with such pride made me crack up. She was so proud of the fact that she doesn't do drugs only because she got caught doing drugs and gets drug tested. Way to go Definitely-Not Megan, you have reached that upper level of Piece of Shit that few people can achieve. Mind you, this was all said in front of about 10 kids including their own. I am sure these kids have bright futures of drug addictions, missing teeth, and early pregnancies. I am sure the parents will sit around later in life in some rehab and wonder why their kids ended up so bad.
That pretty much ended the argument and my first meeting of my neighbor Definitely-Not Megan. Now Definitely-Not Megan may or may not be drug tested but she is definitely not drug free. I know this because she traded vodka to neighbors for pain killers. It is a lovely place I live where you can still find street level bartering. No Craigslist or Ebay required!
One day one of my male neighbors decided to get really drunk and somehow ended up behind my place talking with Definitely-Not Megan. Due to the fact that my windows are gloried saran wrap I could hear pretty much the entire conversation. He was drunk and wanting to fuck so he was laying on the "passion" which was pretty much "man I have wanted to fuck you since you moved in." This impassioned speech was enough to sway her his way as her reply was "Wait till my husband goes to sleep he will kill me if he catches us fucking." Classy broad right!
Well the guy ends up passing out drunk before anything could happen. Here is the real scandalous part of it, Definitely-Not Megan is good friends with his girlfriend. Yes she was absolutely willing to fuck him despite the fact that everyday she pals around with his girlfriend. It is not surprising given the mentality of people around here, but I especially felt dirty just even knowing this information. I also knew that things like this never remain a secret and it was only a couple of days later when I heard some screaming outside.
It was my male neighbor's girlfriend, Never Megan, screaming at him. Definitely-Not Megan was standing by her and although I was confused at first I quickly was filled in on what happened. Definitely-Not Megan and Never Megan had been drinking all day when suddenly Definitely-Not Megan decided to tell Never Megan what had happened. However, Definitely-Not Megan left out one key detail, that she was willing to fuck her boyfriend. She only told Never Megan what he said to her, not what she said to him. I was waiting for him to bust her out on this, but for some reason he kept quiet. Never Megan was a rather small girl but bat shit crazy so would of probably thrown down with the Amazon so maybe that is why he kept quiet, I don't know. Either way I found it really ironic that Definitely-Not Megan found a conscience, but only a half-assed conscience. A month later that male neighbor came home and found a power cord running from an outlet in his kitchen to Definitely-Not Megan's house. Her power had been shut off, and Never Megan traded some of their power for vodka. He really appreciated that.
Anyways about a month ago I come home and see that all Definitely-Not Megan's stuff was put out in the back yard. This was rather odd for an eviction as generally they put stuff in the front yard and neighbors get their pick. There were a few things I even considered grabbing until some of my other neighbors decided to use her stuff as a bathroom.
After she moved out another revelation happened. My bro's kids were trying to play with kids who lived one house down from where Definitely-Not Megan used to live. My bro's daughter came back saying the girl couldn't play because her dad was moving out because he had been spending too much time at Definitely-Not Megan's new place. Apparently they were fucking the whole time.
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