Tip for people with cell phones

As I am sitting here at work on a lunch break I want to remind people with cell phones of one thing.

If I call you and the phone rings one time and goes to voice mail I assume your phone is turned off or you are in a bad area for service.

If I call you and your phone rings four times and then goes to voice mail, I assume that you are asleep, away from your phone, or unable to answer at that time.

If say the phone rings twice then goes to voice mail, I assume you are just a fucking asshole. You picked your phone up, saw who was calling, and then you clicked no when it asked you if you wanted to answer it. 2 rings then voice mail means you screened my damn call you douche! See if you were so busy that you could not answer the phone you would not bother looking down at the screen and hitting the no button. But you took the time to check and make sure it was not someone you actually wanted to talk to, then denied it. Yes I know what you are doing and I think you suck because of it.

Remember if you can hit no on the first ring you are okay, but after that and before the normal 4 I know you screened me and now we have an issue. That issue will obviously not cause us any further problems because I am not a butt hurt little bitch about things, but just know that when you see the screen and hit no, know that I know. Know that I know that you know that I know. Know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know. Wait that doesn't make any sense, knows cannot go on forever. They're not an infinite time loop or the tellurium drive of a warp 3 polarity reverser (ha! You probably wonder what sci fi tv show that is from but I made it the fuck up! Tellurium is a real element though, a metal primarily used in alloys such as steel and copper- number 52 on the periodic table with an electron configuration of 4d¹⁰ 5s² 5p⁴  and a solid state density of 6.24 g·cm⁻³ ).

And no, nobody screened my call today. This rant is directed at no one in particular. Specifically not a friend of mine who might live two doors down. Definitely not anyone who shares a passing resemblance with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

But if it was directed at anyone, that person should be warned, I am watching you.