Seriously I can't even goto the Gas Station

So yesterday I was fighting my way through an uneventful work day when I noticed that my gas gauge was getting near empty. Actually it wasn't near empty I am just a little OCD and since I don't pay for the gas I always try to have at least over half a tank. I headed to a speedway to get some gas.

So there I was pumping some gas when I started hearing this loud belligerent old drunk man. Like a good loud old drunk man he was talking to some teenage girl making her feel like a would be rape victim. He was telling some kind of joke I assume since he was laughing hysterically. She was laughing slightly at his jokes but you could see her discomfort. He then jumped into a big molester looking van and started to back out of a parking space. As he pulled perpendicular to me I noticed the sign on the side of his van advertising the church he worked for. Yes that is right (and oh so typical) this was a church employee drunk as fuck middle of the day hitting on a girl about 40 years his junior at least maybe more. Another funny thing, he was blaring mariachi music while driving off. That just completed the scene. Too bad he didn't also wear a sombrero.

I finished pumping my gas and made my way into the gas stations mini-mart store. Now this is always an interesting moment. Since I have a set work area I tend to always go to this same gas station. For the past year this same girl has worked there. Although she looks normal I really think she is mildly retarded. She always says really inappropriate things to me that I don't know how to respond to. One time I walked in and she was putting out the "speedway pizza" and had a hair net on. She looked at me and said "Does my hairnet make me sexy." and after throwing up a bit in my mouth (not based on her looks but on her child like retard voice) I just kind of half nodded my head and mumbled an indecipherable answer.

I also remember another time I was buying an energy drink and a protein bar and of course she was in there and she was eating while working the register. Shoveling a piece of pizza in her mouth she actually licked her fingers then grabbed my stuff and scanned them. I swear to god I am too damn nice for my own good sometimes. I really just wanted to tell her that she should not lick her fingers before grabbing stuff I place on consuming but instead I just kept mum. I went out to my truck and like a little kid who had someone else play with his toys I threw a fit and threw the stuff away.

So as I walked in yesterday I saw that of course she was working the register along with two other clerks working other registers. I prayed to myself that my place in line would lead to me being served by one of the other two. In fact I even tried to time it so that I would end up with one of them. But as the line then stalled then moved it dawned on me, no matter what happened, I would end up at her register. I don't care if 50 people were there working registers I would get her's. The forces of the universe always line up against me.

Nothing too eventful with this encounter. I was just buying a couple of energy drinks to fuel my trip to the gym later. Just her mere presence is enough to creep me out any more. Perhaps it is the child like voice. There is something disorienting about a normal look person that sounds semi-retarded. Usually they look retarded before even sounding retarded.

As I walked out of the gas station I had an encounter with another retard. There was nothing mild about this retard, yep you guessed it, this one went full retard. She had a handler who was supposed to be watching her but she broke free and started flailing her arms wildly as she ran towards me (well probably towards the door behind me). Nothing beats having a profoundly retarded person doing a windmill of death coming straight for you like a buzz saw.

This wasn't my first go around with this shit though. As I said previously I always attract the weirdo freaks out there no matter what. The only benefit to that is that I know how to deal with them when there is an encounter. So as tardy came storming after me I simply started to move to my right and as she moved to her left to counter I did a reverse spin move and darted to my left getting past her.

Actually she didn't try to counter my move. In fact I looked like an idiot because I did this fancy move thinking i was being attacked by a profoundly retarded girl but in reality she just really wanted in the store. Either way I was a smooth operator. Not really. I am sure people pumping there gas thought I was equally as retarded as her.

So that was my trip to the gas station. Nothing major but simply serves as an example of the kind of weird motherfuckers that gravitate towards me. I think I don't belong in normal society. I am going to go live on a deserted island.