Enough time has passed that I feel like I can safely tell this story. To be honest it really was never that serious but since police were involved I declined to comment on it. Now enough time has passed that I am sure nothing will come of it so I am going to relay a funny story where it was my bro's and I that were the bad neighbors.
The following incident took place on a blistering hot Sunday that for whatever reason I remember not having to work on Monday. My bro JC was on a three day drunk and in rare form. I can't remember most of the morning because it was uneventful but I do remember him wandering around outside fucking with people. At some point another one of our bro's came over with his old lady and started drinking beers with JC. I was pretty tired so I went back to my place to relax as they started pounding the beers.
I know at one point I left to go to the store and ended up in the middle of a tornado. It was so bad that the local lowes had every one of there pre-fabricated sheds ripped apart and thrown up to 100 feet away. My dumbass had no idea and I was just trucking along in my mustang in the middle of a tornado.
By time I got back JC was out front stumbling around starting shit with anyone who was walking past. Did I forget to mention he only had shorts on and they were unbuttoned. Minor detail that does seem to matter to people. So I did my best to babysit him for a bit and kept him from going to jail as best I could.
It was only fair since I have acted like an ass plenty of times in my past. The thing is, you know how sometimes when people get drunk for a couple days in a row they get that stare like they are looking past you to someone 100 feet behind you, well JC was looking past that guy haha. Yeah it was pretty bad. All the while our other bro, Kenny, was still pounding away beers. I didn't really pay much attention to this as next to JC he did not seem too drunk.
At some point JC's family decide they want to leave town as things got kind of heated and police may or may not have been on the way. I tried to talk JC into going with them but it just didn't seem to work. I know at one point I left him upstairs on his apartment and went back home. Next thing I know there is a knock on my door and it is Kenny telling me that JC's family needed my help. I went over there and found JC in the bathtub with everything in the bathroom knocked everywhere. He was bleeding from his forehead and looked like he was a zombie. I helped him out of the bathtub and into bed and locked his door and went home. As I walked in I said goodbye to Kenny and his old lady as they were going home.
So after one hell of a day (it was now around 6 pm) I finally plopped down on my sofa and started to kick back. Of course that was not going to happen and soon enough I heard the neighbor yelling "you hit my car!!!!" I sprung off my couch assuming that JC was out there punching the neighbors car. Now JC, drunk or not, needs no help in a fight but all the same I was storming out of the door to clean house.
Once I got out the door I realized what I assumed was happening was no where close to what was happening. Kenny had driven his truck over to our places and his old lady cannot drive the truck so Kenny had to drive home. How he managed to do this I don't know, but he backed into the neighbors Geo metro not once, but twice trying to weasel his way out of the parking spot.
Grandma Toothless and Toothlessette were quickly outside yelling at Kenny. To his credit he stopped his truck, opened up the small window on the back of the cab and asked them if he hit their car. They screamed that he had not once but twice backed into it.
Then Kenny said "I guess I did" then drove forward. I assumed he was pulling forward to park and asses the damage. Not so much, he was just pulling off. I stood their jaw to the floor as I watched him take off. Now this is the uncomfortable moment when you really don't know what the fuck to do. Not Megan from the previous story (the one where my wife beat up Megan) was outside and looked at the Geo Metro and correctly pointed out that he didn't even damage the front Lincense plate let alone the car. This started a screaming match between Not Megan and Toothlessette and Mr. Toothless Mullet. I quickly quieted that situation by telling the toothless duo that Not Megan had nothing to do with their car being hit and that they should just do whatever they have to do.
At this point I figured the cops would be here any minute and the last thing I wanted was for JC to stumble out of his place drunk and get arrested. At the same time I felt a wicked deuce coming on so I decided I needed to make a bee line for my apartment to handle my business before the cops arrive. So I got back to my door to find that I had inadvertently locked myself out.
This was fucking great, I was locked out of my place, having to use the bathroom something fierce, knowing that I'd be having to talk to the cops any minute now. So I sit there on my porch for nearly an hour and a half because finally JC wakes up and walks out his door. I go over and talk to him, and he wisely assessed that he needed more beer. Perfect.He did managed to help me to break into my apartment as the windows easily pop out and he was small enough to crawl through the tiny hole.
Three hours passed and I decided that obviously the neighbors were smart enough to realize it was not worth calling the police. So I make a run to the local grocery store to get some supplies. As I pull back on my street I see a couple of cop cars and JC on his porch talking to them. Awesome! So I park my car and try to non-nonchalantly walk to my apartment. Not so fast Jason! JC yells out "hey Jason come here, hey bro do you remember the name of that guy who was drinking with us earlier?"
See here is the deal, you can elect to say nothing to the cops, perfectly with in your rights. But you cannot lie or attempt to mislead the police. This was what I was hoping to avoid. I had to play dumb though and just gave no answer at all to the police. The cop was obviously not buying it, which is understandable since it was the dumbest story I ever heard in my life. Eventually the other cop, a relatively attractive female came over and started talking to us. JC decides this would be a great time to start hitting on her. This went over as well as, well, it just didn't fucking go over well. The cops did their typical threaten us with charging us with Obstruction of Justice and how they are going to give the information to the District Attorney (like some town is going to waste money pursing obstruction charges over a bumped license plate but the cops were just pissed and wanted something to threaten us with).
This caused JC to burst out with "I am not going to dime out my bro's you dumbasses" as which point I grabbed JC and told him to go inside before we both get arrested. The one cop left, the other cop sat across the street for about an hour. I am sure that cop was waiting for JC to leave his porch so he could charge JC with public intoxication but nothing happened then or later.
Friends of mine, next time you hit a neighbors car, stick around lol.
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