Neighbors...

Anyone who has talked to me for any length of time over the past 6 months or so knows that I am not a big fan of my neighbors.

See I am from Columbus Ohio (well right outside of it) and it is a big city. About 45 minutes to the southeast lies the city of Lancaster, a very much not so big city. Population is around 50,000 I believe. It is big enough to have everything you need with in driving distance, but small enough (white enough) to be devoid of major crime, etc. Back in 2000 I think this city was about 98% white. I am sure that number is slightly lower now but not by very much.

Looking around at either a house or apartment to rent, one of my brothers (who lives in Lancaster) informed me that an apartment two doors down from him became available to rent. The rent was cheap and it was very spacious (3 bedrooms, big living room, big basement, etc.). There were some downsides like no central air, and upkeep was not the landlords biggest priority (though it could be worse).

Seeing how it was about 10 degrees out when we looked at the place there was really no one outside. I do remember the previous summer though my bro having some "strange" neighbors to say the least. However the price was something I couldn't beat so we went for it.

Things weren't too bad for the first few months. Then something strange happened, it started getting warmer out and then next thing you know the white trash started coming out of no where like a plague of zombies. Seriously you have never seen shit like this. To the left of my apartment is a lady with a couple extra chromosomes (yes she told me that) and a daughter who went full retard (I assume not by choice). Nothing beats the sound of a retard in a full on fit. No big deal though, I tend to listen to music loud and into the wee hours of the morning so I cannot complain.

To the right of me, well I am kind of not sure what happened. Originally an older woman lived there. Apparently she has lived in the building for 18 years which is about 17 and half longer than anyone else. Then I noticed an older (but still younger than her) man living there. I figured maybe it was a husband/boyfriend or whatever. No it was her grown son who had never left the womb. No big deal right. Not exactly. You see I guess they must have some Mexican in their family background because they keep multiplying. A couple of months later a woman and man a few years older than myself (but appearing 20 years older lol) missing all their teeth began showing up always smoking on the older woman's porch. Come to find out the toothless woman is the older woman's daughter and the toothless man is her husband or boyfriend.

Add to the mix the toothless couple have two younger kids, a boy and girl. So what started as one neighbor has over the last 9 months turned into 6 neighbors. Since the couple live with her mom, they have to have their fights out on the front porch right beside my living room window. Let me tell you this, the windows I have are old and shitty so I literally hear everyone talking outside plain as day.

The next door down is my bro and his pack. Beside him a person moved in about 2 months ago and no one has seen her one time since then. Who the hell knows what the deal is with that.

So one day the toothless man and some guy a couple houses down and across the street are arguing about something. I guess when you have no jobs and spend all day drinking mad dog 20/20 and busch light arguments can arise over nothing. Anyways as they are arguing the guy from across the street starts to storm off back to his place but stops in the middle of the road to turn around and yell at toothless -

"You're a weiney!!!". Now in all my years I have never once heard a grown man refer to another grown man as a weiney.

Toothless also being the great father that he is likes to take bike rides with his son. That's not exactly a bad thing except when you are drunk and high all day long. Then it becomes an issue. Anyways one day him and his young son go riding off. About 15 feet later right behind my work truck I see toothless start to wobble and then crash. He laid there in the middle of the road for what must of been 5 minutes with his cigarette still dangling out of his mouth.  Finally after what seemed like an enormous amount of time he slowly brought himself to his feet, bent cigarette still hanging out his mouth. His son of about 8 years of age looked around to see if anyone saw what had happened. His son noticed me and in that instant he knew that I knew that he knew his dad was a fucking loser.

About a week later I see the family truckster (a goddamn geo metro) pull up and out pops the family and toothless leaves the clown car last hobbling with his arm in a sling and a brace on his knee. Apparently he took another spill on his bike and had to go to the hospital.

Just last weekend as my bro and I sat on his porch late at night we watched as toothless rode off on his bike along with some teenage boy. We both wondered allowed what the chances were that teenage boy didn't end up getting fingered that night...