More Neighbor Stories

Alright so to continue with my earlier stories about the neighbors of mine I am now working across the street to the female neighbor a couple houses down.

You see this girl, let's just call here Megan, is typical Lancaster trash. You see Lancaster woman do not age in people years but in sweathog years. For every normal year that passes 5 have passed for them.So while they may have been moderately attractive at one time they quickly become grenades.

Megan in particular is like a Seurat painting, from a distance she appears fine but as you get closer you realize it is a mess. Megan is one of those woman who have constant bags under the eyes with dark circles that makes it look like she has constant black eyes.

Her husband is in his 40s and Megan early 30s. Apparently the man had a previous wife that died and Megan just kept coming around shaking her ass until she got a man to cover her expenses (which pretty much just means busch light beer and boones farm wine out of a plastic cup). This is not my assessment of the situation by the way, I forget who told me but those were their exact words for how the situation went down. I have no idea if it is true or not but I take everything people from Lancaster say with a grain of salt.

So my brother JC who lives two doors down has two teenage sons. Now there is no denying they are a bit on the rambunctious side. Alright who the fuck am I kidding they get themselves in some shit. And they have been known to swipe a thing or two like my bottle of vodka after I passed out drunk.

Anyways one day Megan comes home and the two boys are on their porch sneaking in some cigarettes. Next thing you know Megan is going off on the boys accusing them of stealing her ash tray from her porch. Now I know the boys well enough to know if they are going to swipe something it is going to be alcohol, cigarettes, or some money to bribe an adult to buy them the other two items. Come to find out said ash tray was really just an empty coffee can with sand in it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? A coffee can with sand in it? Anyways she is going off calling the boys thieves and fuck ups. Finally they have enough and call her a crazy bitch. Honestly both sides were correct in their name calling but that is besides the point.

And that was that. Nothing new in my neighborhood where cops are on this street on a nightly basis due to domestic disturbances. A brief yelling match is just a minor footnote.

One day a couple of weeks later I was leaving for work and Megan was outside yelling to no one in particular about how her old man had locked her out, taken her money, and her keys. Again not a real big deal since these kind of things happen literally every day multiple times a day. Hell as I type this I hear one of my neighbors screaming at another one for eating his dairy queen hot dog. Apparently Dairy Queen chili dogs are a hot commodity around here so if you are looking to make some money hijack a Diary Queen truck and bring the goods to this street to unload.

Really not much to tell beyond this. That was the end of any contact with Megan. Although a month later she got locked out again and JC was waiting to be picked up for work, so Megan asked JC if he could hold up her window ac unit while she crawled inside. JC being the nice guy that he is does so. Mind you all he did was hold up the AC unit. Of course Megan tells JC's female roommate at the time (who really was just a roommate but didn't quite see things that way) that JC actually gave her a boost inside the window then once she unlocked the door he came inside and talked to her for 20 minutes.
Now Megan said JC gave her a boost inside, but in obsessed roommates mind she assumed that boost was JC grabbing Megan in between the legs to give her the boost. In fact she even confronted JC with "Did you get a nice handful of ass when you helped her inside!!!!!!" as she screamed at him.

Fast forward a couple of months and tonight Megan is sitting on her porch smoking a cigarette with a nice new ankle bracelet courtesy of the county. They give you it after you get shitfaced then hit a parked car, it monitors if you have been drinking or not. Cheers!