I Hate Supermarkets Part 2

So we left off earlier with myself walking into the supermarket with a fuming rage that would impress Yosemite Sam. I touched on the subject in part 1 but I have to reiterate just how much middle aged women transform into barbarians when they have a shopping cart in hand.

They will plow you the fuck over if you get in their way but they have no qualms about dead stopping in front of you on a whim. They will block one side of the aisle with their cart and then block the other side with their big ass as they ponder for 20 minutes which brand of whatever it is that they want to buy.

This picture has absolutely no relevance to this entry

Don't even think about trying to move around them. If you clear your throat and politely say excuse me they will turn and look at you with a scowl on their face that would stop a lion dead in its tracks. Mind you, this wildebeest is the same type of person who would have no qualms about running right into with their cart if the roles were reversed. In any other setting no one in their right mind would treat me with even a minor disrespect let alone basically smack me in the face with rudeness. But for some reason the shopping cart is the source of a middle aged woman's  power. Much like Sampson and his hair, so long as they have the cart they feel that nothing can get in their way.

This brings me to another point of contention that bugs me. Have you ever noticed in a store you can go to an aisle that is completely devoid of any other shoppers and probably has not had one person walk down it for over an hour, but the moment you go down the aisle next thing you know people flock to it. And it doesn't matter that you were their first they want you to move out of their goddamn way before you piss them off.

This happened to Missy and I on Christmas Eve. We went to Walmart and knew it would be chock full of assholes. Hell when isn't Walmart chock full of assholes? And lately to make matters worse the local Walmart looks more and more like an African trading village than a shopping center in a suburban city. I must of missed the memo but apparently someone transplanted Ellis Island to the center of our local Walmart. That rant aside this story does not involve those of the foreign variety but rather home grown overweight middle aged women of European decent. You see the store was packed tighter than a freight train heading to Auschwitz. With traffic jams polluting nearly every aisle Missy and I searched for some kind of lightly trafficked aisle to let the jams work themselves out. The alternative was that I was going to go into full on Hulk mode.

Why the hell not?

So we noticed that the school supplies aisle was empty. Doesn't surprise me as based upon the parents who were shopping I doubt education was very important in their households. Much to Missy and I's surprise though the aisle held some real gems for gifts for kids. We found markers and coloring books and all kinds of artsy sort of things that we knew our nieces would love. Well actually Missy knew they would love, I don't really give a shit that much because I am kind of an asshole. Don't get me wrong I love our nieces but I don't really pay much attention to things like family and stuff like that. Hell I fantasize about beating up most of Missy's family for no apparent reason but goddamn in my dreams does it feel good. I guess I am fucked up and you can only blame my family for that so it kind of proves me right.

So we are browsing through the items trying to decide what to get when all of a sudden here comes another shopper following suit. Apparently because we were looking interested at something this piqued others interest because before long another person showed up followed by several more. Before we knew it there was now a traffic jam on our aisle. Mind you it had sat empty for nearly 20 minutes and with in 2 minutes of us going there and now it was packed. And some of these women had the nerve to give us nasty looks because we would not move out of their way. I didn't care at this point and I met their scowls back. Shopping carts or not I was bigger, stronger, and had a bigger penis than everyone in that aisle. If they wanted a war I was ready and able, and armed with my war club of flesh I was going to make my last stand.

This was me but my penis is so big the crotch would be bulging out more

They must of seen the fierce look in my eyes because they fell back in retreat. I looked to Missy and told her to grab what we were buying because we had to get out of there. Shopping Cart Rage Women are easily frightened but quickly return and in greater numbers. We made our way out of the store without incidence but it was truly a close one.

You want to know what else bugs me about supermarkets? Kids and the parents who don't give a fuck about teaching those kids manners. I can't count how many times kids cut me off and make me have to make a sudden stop because they darted across some aisle or did some other asinine thing. I know that some kids are hyper and all but that is no excuse for half-assed parenting. Get control of your fucking kids and stop letting them run wild or act out of turn. It is not hard because plenty of parents do it every single day, but a few bad apples make all kids appear like a bunch of out of control chimpanzees. There is no excuse, it comes down to bad parenting. And you know what, if you are content with being a shit parent then don't blame me when I punt kick your mistake of nature out of my way. My life doesn't revolve around your freak you pumped out of your welfare legs and quite frankly I would gladly squash it like a bug rather than allow it to annoy me. Harsh? Fuck you and your harsh. Fuck your kids too for that matter.

I don't hate kids, at all. I hate parents who are shit parents.