Well today is the day of Missy and I's road trip. I have decided to go ahead and log our journey. Knowing the way that I am there is bound to be some memorable ass shit to happen. I am hoping those memorable ass things don't involve being found on the roadside dead, with my pants down around my ankles and my asshole chapped. What is sad is that it is a legit concern of mine.
Missy is so perfect that I have had a theory for some time that this is all just an elaborate ruse for her to have me murdered and raped in spectacular fashion. I mean seriously, nothing ever goes good for me but she has bucked that trend so far the other way that I constantly think there has to be something fucked up.
The first time I left for work and came home I was 100% certain I would walk in and there would be a deuce in the middle of the floor. I even rationalized it in my head that she is so cute and sweet and perfect that I could live with the fact that she had a fetish for shitting on the floor when I went to work. Imagine my utter shock when I came home and the floor had no shit on it. I know, crazy right? But its the truth. In fact she has never shit on our floor that I know about but in the interest in full disclosure I have to say that I cannot say the same about myself. It was an accident and I did clean it up, but it did happen. You might be thinking I didn't need to mention it but still I feel sometimes these things need to be established.
We have not left yet for our trip. Missy is still getting ready. I would like to chastise her as being a typical woman and always running late, but then she would rip my ass for having to do absolutely EVERYTHING in getting ready for the trip. All morning long she has cleaned the house, did the laundry, cut my hair, shaved my pubs, cooked breakfast, cleaned the cat box, took out the trash, and packed the bags.
Not that I haven't done anything all morning though. I fired off a missile, took a shower, photoshopped a picture of myself in chaos space marine armor, posted random warhammer quotes on facebook, and drank a bunch of coffee. I feel like I have had a very productive morning but somehow Missy disagrees. I will chalk it up to her being a woman.
It snowed last night but I am pretty sure the roads should be nice and clear. I am a shitty driver so I hope that is true. At least our journey is only a few hours away so it shouldn't be that bad. We are only running a half hour behind but that is okay because we planned on leaving two hours early instead of one so we have a lot of foul up time. I am hardly ever on time, a trait my dad had mastered (unless he simply no-showed which I am also pretty good at) so this is nothing new. I kind of assumed when we talked about what time we were leaving last night that we would at least be an hour late. That still puts us an hour early but I already said that earlier.
Breakfast this morning was two fried eggs, two slices of cheese, two turkey sausage patties, and four slices of wheat bread made into breakfast sandwiches. I call them McMissys and they are EXTREMELY tasty but probably don't bode well for my desire not to blast ass on the road trip. I am crossing my fingers for good luck so we will see what happens.
I know that no matter how many times I go over our inventory of what we need for our trip we are going to forget something very important. We will only be gone for two days so nothing we could forget could be that critical but it still annoys me to no end. We have our clothes, bath items, cell phones and chargers, laptop, lube, itinerary, and a few snacks and goodies. I cannot think of much else of relevance. Who knows, I am sure I will write another entry later bitching at myself for forgetting something critical. Well I am going to end this entry for now before I say something even more asinine that will cause Missy and most of my family to even be more disappointed in me.
No comments:
Post a Comment