Cold Medicine is Like Crack

This entry was supposed to be about nutrition and I actually typed out about three paragraphs before I got bored and erased the fucking thing. I am sick and have been downing cough medicine and a battery of other things and while I don't feel any less sick I do feel half a buzz and the last thing I want to do is write about what foods to eat.

I have a problem speaking or typing before really thinking about what I am saying. Case in point, I had to explain to a female human resource lady at my work what man-ranch is. Now of course I made up some strange concoction that I dubbed man-ranch but to be honest to 99.99% of the population man-ranch could only mean one thing. Luckily she joked it off but this is about the fourth time I have said asinine things in front of her. Don't get me wrong, I don't single her out or anything, it is just that I say so many off the wall things that I end up crop dusting everyone a time or two at the least.

One problem is that I work among men. We have plenty of females who work for our company but my department is all male and we have a pretty sick sense of humor and that doesn't bode well for me.

Some of my recent one liners--

"Sex isn't fun unless you have a risk of catching an std."
"I am driving, otherwise how would Dan be able to give me road head."
"I would never fuck a man that is willing. That would be gay."
"Coming to work with a cold and spreading it to other fucking people is no different than having aids and fucking chicks and not telling them."

As you can see I say some weird and off the wall shit. Anyone who really knows me knows that it is just harmless fun. I am not a man-rapist and nor do I believe in loose moral behaviors. I am a very moral person but I like to joke. But not everyone knows me that well so when I happened to say my daily route was consisting of me "finding a secluded parking lot and rubbing one out" it came as quite a shock to that same Human Resources lady from earlier who happened to walk into our office at the exact moment I said that. Now again she laughed that off but I am sure inside somewhere she wonders how some psychopath like myself ever got hired in the first place.

I am just ranting and raving and I have kind of earned that right. I am sick as fuck but I still hit a pretty damn big PR (personal record) last night doing overhead presses despite being sick. I am trying to take it easy tonight to give my body a chance to heal. I know I won't be 100% by tomorrow but I can hopefully get over the massive chest congestion and cold chills and have a productive training session. I hate missing one but there is no point in pushing yourself for the sake of pushing yourself even if it is counter productive. Training hard is never a substitute for training smart. Otherwise all those assholes who never miss a day at the gym in 10 years would be the biggest and strongest but instead they are still small and weak. The big and strong guys get in, bust ass and get out. They know how to turn it on and get the fuck out.

I want to close by saying I love you Missy for being able to put up with my semi-who know's what ass. You are a saint.

Moving North of Vag

I wish I could take credit for this statement but I sadly can not claim that. In fact the person who turned me on to the statement cannot even take credit for it. His name is Jim Wendler and he actually got the term from his friend. I don't want to reprint parts of his book since enough people pirate his hard work but suffice it to say the concept of Moving North of Vag is to stop being a pussy and man up.

First I want to take a small step back. There is nothing wrong with vag. I would also like to say that I have seen far more women who endure terrible hardships and preserve than I have men. Most men fold at the first sign of struggle. When the going gets rough they get going out the door.

So while this may not be EXACTLY what the Jim Wendler (yes that is correct, Jim Wendler is no longer a man but an entity) or his friend meant I take the statement North of Vag as manning up. Whether you are a woman or man you can man up. What does man-up mean? If you have to ask that it means you have not manned up. In fact you should just stop reading this blog altogether and go back to you're mommy's tit because you might start crying.

You cannot get in shape without getting stronger. Sorry but no one will convince me otherwise. In order to get in to real optimum shape you have to get outside of your comfort box. Don't listen to any half ass personal trainer or bullshit diet pill infomercial that tells you they have some secret method to getting in shape. They are worse than drug dealers. Hell drug dealers are at least honest and as a bonus get you high as fuck. On the other hand 99% of personal trainers, bullshit university studies, miracle supplements, and other shit they peddle will make you worse not better. It gives you a false sense of expectations and once you fail to see results you will surely throw your hands up in the air and give up. I know because I had been through that more than a few times. Empty promises and no results.

Here is what they will never say to you, to get the results you want it will take very hard work and it will take a while. Whether you want to be a powerlifter, athlete, or just "in-shape" it will be a marathon and not a sprint. Slow consistent day in and day out adherence to a training and nutrition plan. You have to push yourself beyond what is comfortable and you must deny yourself cheap fixes.

"But but but... Ms. Smith lost a ton of weight after going to some shady doctor and getting an adipex (or insert another diet drug)." That's nice. Really I am impressed.

Wait for it...

Wait for it....

Okay now fast forward a year from now and Ms. Smith is fatter than fuck. But it really does work right? Get the fuck out of here with that kind of menial bullshit. Hell even when she was "skinny" dare her to take her shirt off and you will find the ugly truth she went from being fat to "skinny-fat". An illusion of the weak. Hell look at these lap band fucks and you will never see someone in good shape, they might be smaller but look horrid.

All they ever needed was a little manning-up. Want to know the secret to manning up?

1. Warm up/Stretch
2. Lift Weights
3. Hill Sprints/Sled Dragging/Tabata drills
4. Fast paced walking

Yes that is it. Lift 4 days a week focusing on heavy compound lifts each day (ie- Sunday- Squat, Monday- Overhead Press, Wednesday- Deadlift, Friday- Bench Press). That is just a rough guideline but those lifts have been the key to people getting stronger and fitter for generations. I obviously don't train in this fashion but I do use those key lifts as the cornerstone of what I do and quite frankly you don't want to do what I do. It would eat you up and spit you out so don't even entertain notions of doing what I do. Keep your training to 30-45 minutes, get in and do your lifts and get out. The 2 hour marathon training sessions Missy and I do are killers and really not ideal for most people. We are actually working on shortening the length but a good portion of that time is spent coaching her since she is new to this.

Number 3 might be a bit confusing but rather than list what exactly to do my whole point was that you should perform some type of higher intensity cardio. Not often but three times a week would suffice. Should take 20 minutes or less. Missy and I do sprints while dragging a weighted sled behind us. 6 sprints at 60 yards. Might not sound like much but try and it and if you are still alive tell me how it went.

Number 4 might sound like a south of vag item but let me tell you that a 30-40 minute fast pace walk at least 4 and up to everyday a week. If you do nothing else but this I guarantee you will feel a hundred times better and enjoy life more. The key is to walk quickly and not just a leisurely stroll. I hate to quote a number but aim for at least a pace of just before you start to jog. And no you don't have to do that funky power walk walk, just walk with a fast pace and enjoy the health benefits. It will keep blood flowing and your heart will thank you.

Next article will contain a no non-sense guide to nutrition and a big fuck you to diet guru's who I consider one step above rapists.

One on One Personal Training For Women

There have been some inquiries about the one on one personal training for women that our gym will soon be offering. While we have not opened the gym for this yet, it will be very soon. Here is some more details on what is being offered.

First the baseline product is 40 dollars a session (each session lasts between 1 to 2 hours). There is a minimum of 2 sessions a week. There are discounts available for group sessions and/or more than 2 sessions a week. We will also work with you depending on your income level. We all know how hard things can be financially if you are a student, retired, etc. We firmly believe that no matter your disposable income you should have access to a personal trainer who can help you meet your overall fitness goals.

This fee includes full access to our private gym and ability to use all equipment. Our gym has a full complement of strength and conditioning equipment.

Our gym also offers once a week boxing instruction from an amateur boxer who has trained up an Olympic Gold Medalist in boxing. This is 25 dollars a class and our personal training clients will get one free boxing lesson a month.

The personal training will be overseen by a highly qualified female certified personal trainer. She is a former collegiate athlete in cross country. She has studied multiple martial arts and currently is starting to compete in powerlifting.

Our clients will be administered an initial physical fitness assessment to determine their level of fitness and how to best tailor a program around their needs. They will be weighed and measured once a week to track their progress and further personalize your training and diet needs to produce the best results possible.

All personal training clients will have a personalized dietary plan drawn up for them. These plans will take in to account your personal food habits to try to make a manageable plan that you will both enjoy and get trim and fit on.

Any further questions please email me at irishskin21@yahoo.com

What a weird thing our body is... and other random thoughts..

Wow! That is all I can fucking say. If you have been following my blog you should of noticed one reoccurring thing over the past week (and three weeks prior to restarting the blog) and that was that I was training very hard and eating an extreme calorie deficit.

While I didn't even think about weighing myself for the first three weeks (because body weight can wildly flucuate in the first few weeks of fixing your diet and training- or working out if you are a pussy {ie- a woman, man under 200 lbs, etc.}). I kid I kid. Well not really. Any man under 200 lbs. is a woman. Ouch that hurts but this is a big man's world.

The last thing you want to do is brag about those initial 20 pounds you lost after two weeks. Why? Well I am not a fucking physiology book so if you want to know why try reading something and don't listen to some jackass on the internet. Anyways it is not like anyone notices those first 20 anyhow. Think like this, if 10000 people left Los Angelos would anyone notice? Hell no they wouldn't.

But after three weeks I finally took that plunge and stepped on the scale. The results were what I expected. I have been intune with my body long enough to pretty much know where I am at. I had shed that initial easy weight and was now on to the meat and potatoes of weight loss. The stuff that people actually start to notice.

A funny thing happened though, as I weighed myself each morning my weight didn't go down. Normally I do not suggest weighing yourself more than once a week because all sorts of things can cause minor fluctuations and the last thing you want to do is start changing things every day over some minor bloat.

Here is the thing though, for 4 days with extreme dieting and very difficult training I not only lost no more weight, I actually went back up a pound. Now there is no way this could of been possible. I was in such a calorie deficit that I should of been shedding weight left and right. Worse yet I was tired, achy, drained, lethargic, and dreaded eating. I had no food urges, no desire to even eat another meal, and my normally super extreme libido became just a high libido. I know many many many men would kill for a high libido but I am used to the libido of 20 teenage boys combined (sorry mom). I am sure Missy enjoyed a break from constantly being stabbed in the back all night long but I sorely missed doing the stabbing.

Last Thursday I was driving while working and got light headed and had blurred vision. I am actually used to this but normally it is caused by a rager, but nothing of the sort was going on this time. I had to pull over and rest for almost a half hour to get my composure together. Missy and I had only had one day off from training a week and we had a squat/deadlift training session scheduled for that evening. I am a firm believer in never missing training except when it is BETTER for you to hold back a day. Note I said better and NOT easier. It can take years for you to know your body well enough to know when to do this. In fact 95% of trainees are not capable of even pushing themselves to this level. It took years and years for me to get the conditioning level and work capacity in order to push myself into the over training zone.

Now I am to the point that even with a year plus layoff I can push myself past that point. This is not a bad thing as it does raise your work capacity but you have to know when to pull back. So as I sat there in my work truck I texted Missy and said that we needed to push that nights training to Friday and that we should have a "cheat meal" that night. It had been a month since I had eaten out (--I had to delete this part due to Missy demanding I delete it-- and look at what is left in to get an idea how bad it had to be) so we ended up getting subs from Jimmy Johns. I had an 8 inch Italian sub and a large oatmeal and raisin cookie. I think about a 1000 calories total which was 1/2 to 2/3 of my normal daily caloric intake.

So I wake up the next morning to expect a few extra pounds on the scale but to my surprise I was down a pound. So I decided to eat big that day. Note I said BIG and not POORLY. I ate all quality foods but in much larger than normal quantities. I took in 1000 to 1500 calories more than normal for the next 3 days. The results, I lost 10 pounds. It might not make a lot of sense but I have my theories. I now am eating 4 meals a day usually around 750 calories. Usually about 4 hours in between meals.

I am now hungry all the time, craving foods like crazy, libido back to having no need for a hammer while I am working, and training going just as good. I will continue to monitor and adjust my diet to keep dropping weight. I don't want to drop more than 10 pounds a week but not less than 5. So long as it is inbetween those numbers I am happy.

Wed. Diet and Training Log

Today is a high carb day.

6:30 AM Meal 1
5 Eggs Whites
1 Whole Egg
2 Slices Multigrain Light Bread


 9:00 AM Meal 2
1/8 Cup Blueberries
1/2 Cup Oatmeal
1 Scoop Protein Blend
Blended together and made into a shake

11:00 AM Meal 3
4.5 Oz. Lean Ground Beef
1/2 Cup of Stir Fried Rice with chopped lean pork

1:00 PM Meal 4
Same Shake as Meal 2

3:00 PM Meal 5
Same as Meal 3

4:40-5:00 Cardio
20 Minutes on Airdyne Bike as Warmup

5:00-6:30 Chest/Tricep
Bench Press- After several warm up sets worked up to a 5 rep max
2 X 10 Reps Close Grip Bench Press
2 X 10 Reps Incline Bench Press
3 X 10 Reps Dumbbell Floor Press
3 X 10 Reps Rolling Tricep Extensions

Dinner is going to be chicken and oven baked potatoes. Going to do a light band workout before band to rehab the upper body.

Tuesday Training and Diet Log

7:00 AM Meal 1
5 Egg Whites
1 Whole Egg
1 Slice Multigrain Light Bread

9:30 AM Meal 2
1 Scoop of Protein Powder
1/4 Cup of Blueberries
1/4 Cup of Oatmeal

11:45 AM Meal 3
4 oz. Lean Pork Loin
1/2 Cup Green Beans

12:15 GPP Conditioning
During my work lunch break I dragged a weighted sled for 10 minutes.

1:55 PM Meal 4
1 Scoop of Protein
1/4 Cup of Blueberries
1/4 Cup of Oatmeal

4:00 PM Meal 5
4 oz. Lean Pork Loin
1/2 Cup of Green Beans

6:30 PM Meal 6
2 Scoops of Protein Powder
1 teaspoon of natural peanut butter

7:30-7:50 Cardio
Did 20 Minutes on the Airdyne bike while watching an Ed Coan training video.

7:50-9:30 Trained Lats/Biceps
5 x 6-10 Reps Bent Over Barbell Rows
3 x 10 Reps Curl Grip Pulldowns

3 x 10 Reps Chest Supported Rows
Supersetted with
3 x 10 Reps V-Grip Pulldowns

3 Sets of Barbell Curls 21s

3 Sets of 10 Reps Concentration Curls
Supersetted with
3 Sets of 10 Reps Machine Hammer Curls

Getting Ready for Meal 7 Which is Lean Ground Beef and Veggies.

The New Gym

 

Just what is Deadlifter's Fortress? It is a new private gym in Central Ohio specializing in powerlifting and hardcore bodybuilding.It is owned by myself and Missy and we are pouring our hearts and souls into it. Slowly but surely we have built up more and more lifting, cardio, and conditioning equipment. 

Currently we have a squat rack, two benches, airdyne bike, treadmill, bands, boxes for box squats, boards for board pressing, sled for weighted sled drags, lat and low pulley, and countless bars, weights, attachments, and other pieces of weight training equipment. 

Right now we offer morning and evening training sessions with the powerlifting and bodybuilding teams. We have boxing equipment and are working on getting a setup for that and possibly offering boxing courses on the weekend. Right now you have to be a member of one of our training teams in order to use the gym. Our training teams are open to men and women, all ages and levels of experience, but there are requirements to be on the teams. 

Must regularly attend ALL training sessions.

Cannot deviate from the set training protocol set forth by the teams coach.

Must be willing to test your total (squat, deadlift, bench press) every 3 months in a gym meet. 

Must keep current with monthly gym fees.

Must respect the equipment at all times. No tossing and dropping of weights and bars.

These requirements are non-negotiable. If you miss a few training sessions I will kick your ass off the team and I don't care if you are the nicest person in the world. You have to be willing to compete on a regular basis in at least the gym meets and strongman competitions. 

Powerlifting Team trains 4 Days a week.
Bodybuilding Team trains 6 Days a week.
Strongman training 1 Day a week.

We are also working on a new program that will  be launched in the coming months. It will be one on one personal training for women by a certified and insured personal trainer at the gym.

If you think you have what it takes to be on the teams or are interested in updates on the personal training program or boxing program please email me at irishskin21@yahoo.com